Bless his heart. Little John, pictured here, was trying to muster up a heart wrenching emotional cry but realized he just wasn’t sad enough. About 5 seconds later he burst into laughter, realizing that he was actually very happy, not very sad as he had initially thought.
The Imaginative and Believable Story of Halsey Valentine and Her Lazy Sunday Afternoon Escapade at Grandma’s House
It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, in a quiet beach side town and Halsey was on vacation. Today there would be no school. No waking up early. No doing any of the mind-numbing chores of a typical day.
This was Sunday. She was on vacation. She was in California (the laziest state in the nation) and she was at Grandma’s house. She was going to soak in every lazy-slacker-minute of the day come heck or high-water.
Waking up at noon after a long nights sleep. She decided to eat a pack of Goldfish for breakfast. Since she polished off the quart of Ice Cream the night before she had to settle for the next best thing.
“They need more cheese on these things”, she exclaimed loudly, to no on in particular. She had said the same thing at nursery school earlier in the week and it was received with much fanfare and agreement by the other kids so she repeated it often these days as it was an original and brilliant idea.
“It’s a good time to check Facebook,” she paused, “What do you say Molly?”. Molly wagged her tail and dropped an old tennis ball at her feet which Halsey ignored. ”Not now, Molly”, she said, “I’m working on my Facebooks”. Halsey, these days could seemingly not get enough Facebook.
After at about 20 minutes, Halsey closed her Macbook Air and exclaimed, “Oh heavens, people on Facebook bore me to no end!”. It was Sunday and Halsey did not need nor want the endless parade of selfies that crossed her newsfeed.
Picking up her favorite magazine, Flea Market Style, Halsey quickly began to peruse ideas for her next room remodel.
“Ahh check this out Mollsey Girl”, she said. (Halsey had recently taken to referring to Molly as “Mollsey Girl” because she preferred to give people and pets she knew, names that were similar to her own.
Halsey pointed to a picture of a distressed cabinet, and added, “That’s something Auntie Kathy would like. You know she got married to Darla didn’t you?” Darla was telling this to everyone she knew. It actually wasn’t true but it kind of was and it kind of wasn’t true at the same time.
Feeling refreshed with new flea market ideas floating through her head, Halsey was ready for some “west and wewaxation”. She giggled to herself. ”Evwey twime, I talks wike Pworky Pwig, I crwack mwayself up!” And so she was off to the grass for a little west and wewaxation.
She sat there, resting and smiling in her favorite hat imagining as she often did that she was a gentile southern belle taking sips of chilled sweet lemonade and saying hello to passerby’s. ”Hello Ms Daisy..Hello Colonel Sanders.. Hello Huckelberry… MOLSEY GIRL NO!”, she shouted as Molly dropped a beaten up tennis ball at her feet interrupting her sweet day dream to times gone by in places she had never been.
So she played with Molly to appease her but of course Molly was not appeased and brought the ball back to Halsey each time she threw it. The little game must have gone on for hours. ”Ok Molly, time to stop, I need to rest my poor self under this tree to recombobulate myself
It was getting late. The day had been great. Halsey was getting restless but thought to herself It’s nice just having a “me” day you know. Just me myself and I (and I guess Molsey Girl at times). Just at that moment, Grandma came back after having treated herself to a day of champagne, massages and facials at one of the finest saloons in the city. That’s right, finest saloon, not salon. Its a new a better way to get pampered. ”Oh how I missed her”, said Halsey.
After some brief pleasantries and a story or two, Grandma headed off to cook their dinner. Halsey reminded her that everything is better with cheese and she wouldn’t mind if they had Doritos only for dinner. Grandma laughed. So did Halsey but again reminded her afterward that she was not joking and made a cute little wrangling motion with her hands to demonstrate how she would gobble them up.
Well they had dinner. It was great. They did have Doritos and chicken and potatoes. Grandma always has potatoes and they taste good especially with butter and salt. She sat down outside to just let all of the potatoes and dorito’s flow through her system. She thought of Darla at that moment and imagined how Darla would surely be able to help her lobby the powers that be to get a bowl of Ice Cream. Darla always had a knack for that kind of stuff.
Well the day was winding down. Halsey was tired. ”Boy am I tired” she said as she looked in the mirror. “Wait a second!” she said as she did a double take laughing to herself, “will you look at that? Her hair was in quite a misshapenly state and reminded her of the way Daddy’s hair looked after he he drank a beer that one time and was talking a little funny (a little like when she talked Porky Pig talk)
It was a wonderful day, Halsey thought to herself when it was all over and done. It was a perfectly wonderful and lazy Sunday afternoon at Grandma’s house. The best kind of day there is.
What is an Ice Cream Truck doing cursing around the beach at 9pm? Well it turned out to be a good idea because we took a bonfire break and raided the truck for all of the good treats we could carry. Well done Psycho Ice Cream Truck Man.