Why do Monkey’s Suck so Much at Watering the Lawn?
Monkeys are good at many things. Eating bananas. Swinging on ropes. Throwing poop. They excel at those things. But they are not good at everything. Take for example – watering the lawn. Monkey’s suck at watering the lawn.
Patrick McKenna of the Monkey Research Institute had a theory about Monkey’s. He followed that theory and along with his passion of watering lawns created one of the most brilliant ideas of this century.
Patrick McKenna of the Monkey Research Institute
Monkey’s Don’t Have Thumbs
It was that simple. While pouring over research, Patrick realized that the reason that monkeys suck so much at watering lawns is that they do not have thumbs. Without a thumb, you cannot water a lawn.
Duh. You can’t water a lawn without a Thumb dummy.
A Postulated Scientific Theorem
Patrick submitted scientific research papers to the Scientific Research Institute of Trump (now defunct) with a postulated theorem of the ages. Trump hailed it as “great stuff by a great guy, with the absolute best science I have ever seen and I know a lot of very smart people that know a lot about science”
The logic is as follows. 1) Monkeys do not have thumbs. 2) To water the lawn you need a thumb. 3) Monkeys cannot water the lawn.
The theory was bounced around academic circles and generally accepted as absolute truth.
Introducing Monkey Thumb
Being the genius he is. Patrick thought to himself of an invention. The invention was brilliant. He called it “Monkey Thumb”.
It was practically practical. The monkey thumb was a mechanical thumb. The thumb would be given to monkeys that needed to water their lawn.
But in a stroke of genius he also realized that the much bigger market was for people. You see. People use thumbs to water their lawn. But their thumbs get very tired. Patrick’s Monkey Thumb invention could be used by people instead of their real thumbs when they watered the lawn. No more sore thumbs!
Now Available on QVC
Patrick will be selling the Monkey Thumb on QVC next week. Tune in. Because it will sell out! I’ll bet my monkey’s uncle it will.
God Bless America 2016
The most patriotic place in the America is Coronado California on any July 4th. Which is where we spent our day this year. Danny cooked some amazing BBQ and Mom had the place decked out for a wonderful day.
You can check out the whole gallery here – July 4, 2016
The kids loved playing on a slip and slide but the slip and slide broke so we had to resort to the old school way of doing things. Just use a hose to spray em down. We even gave Geno this nice little water hat. He loved it.
Of course Camille and Isabella loved it too. They jumped on moms bed and were having lots of fun
And JoJo can’t wait to come back next year. Happy 4th of July Everyone!
I was on time for this photo but my baby blue leisure suit was 5 years too late.
Graduation Picture Day
It was 8th grade graduation picture day. It was a big day and I supposed to bring a suit to Saint Rose so that at 1PM when the photographer arrived we could take our class picture together. It was certainly a big day and everyone wanted to look their best.
Changing Time
At 12:45 we all got out of class early. Hurray! So we could go to the bathroom to change into our suits. My big brother Bill let me borrow his suit that he wore about 5 years or so earlier for his big day.
It was a baby blue leisure suit made of Levi fabric. It was casual but dressy and I dressed in it like Bill did by putting the collar outside of the lapel. It was money.
As I began changing into my suit I looked around. And to my horror, no one else was wearing leisure suits. Everyone was wearing brown suits with brown ties.
I wanted to run out of that bathroom all the way home. I needed an excuse to get out of the pictures. Everyone else was wearing fashionable brown suits and I was wearing a dated Leisure Blue Suit from the John Travolta ERA! The horror of it all.
I was on Time, My Suit Was Late
It was last call. Sr Mary Daniel was yelling for the last stragglers to leave the bathroom and head over to the side of the church to take the photos. I was the last one.
“Let’s make this quick I said.” running out of the bathroom and over to the church where most of the kids were getting in formation. As I stood there half smiling for the picture, I had my first dose of fashion reality. Fashions change, so you have to as well. I was on time for the photo that day but my suit was obviously 5 years too late.
10 minutes later the pictures were over and I ran back to the bathroom. I was never so happy to change into my SRL school uniform than that moment.
Poor Eddie Got Bad Fashion Advice from Me Too
Oh I almost forgot. The night before the photos Eddie had asked me what I was wearing and I told him a leisure suit with the collar on the outside. Poor Eddie obviously listened to my bad advice and looked like John Travolta too. My bad advice was like a bad flu that people around me got.
Eddie never listened to my fashion advice again. Sorry Eddie. I didn’t know.
Mom to the Rescue
I went home and as my mom so often does, she came to the rescue. Right than and there she took me to Miller’s Outpost and bought me the brownest suit with the brownest tie she could find. I felt like I belonged right than and there. No one would out-brown me with a suit ever again! And they never did.
So Brown and Happy in My Brown Suit.
I went to that Graduation Night in my brown suit and I was so happy. It was short lived however because once I went to the dance that night, I was once again horrified because I had no idea how to dance.
My God being a Kid was HARD! I think I spent most of the next 8 years embarrassed about something I couldn’t do or didn’t have. What a waste. Well youth is wasted on the young. I hate brown suits these days. And I absolutely love that leisure suit.
Tu is 2 Months Away
It’s getting close. The little Huckleberry is getting bigger everyday and kicking all the time. He likes Ice Cream (obviously) and also likes to wake up in the night and summersault and hiccup too. And he likes the beach too. So we went!
