Why do Monkey’s Suck so Much at Watering the Lawn?

Posted on Jul 8, 2016 in Funny

suck-at-wateringMonkeys are good at many things.  Eating bananas. Swinging on ropes. Throwing poop.  They excel at those things.  But they are not good at everything.  Take for example – watering the lawn.  Monkey’s suck at watering the lawn.

Patrick McKenna of the Monkey Research Institute had a theory about Monkey’s.  He followed that theory and along with his passion of watering lawns created one of the most brilliant ideas of this century.

Patrick McKenna of the Monkey Research Institute


Monkey’s Don’t Have Thumbs

It was that simple.  While pouring over research, Patrick realized that the reason that monkeys suck so much at watering lawns is that they do not have thumbs.  Without a thumb, you cannot water a lawn.

Duh.  You can’t water a lawn without a Thumb dummy.


A Postulated Scientific Theorem 

Patrick submitted scientific research papers to the Scientific Research Institute of Trump (now defunct) with a postulated theorem of the ages.  Trump hailed it as “great stuff by a great guy, with the absolute best science I have ever seen and I know a lot of very smart people that know a lot about science”

The logic is as follows.  1) Monkeys do not have thumbs. 2) To water the lawn you need a thumb. 3) Monkeys cannot water the lawn.

The theory was bounced around academic circles and generally accepted as absolute truth.

Introducing Monkey Thumb

Being the genius he is.  Patrick thought to himself of an invention.  The invention was brilliant.  He called it “Monkey Thumb”.

It was practically practical.  The monkey thumb was a mechanical thumb.  The thumb would be given to monkeys that needed to water their lawn.

But in a stroke of genius he also realized that the much bigger market was for people.  You see.  People use thumbs to water their lawn.  But their thumbs get very tired.  Patrick’s Monkey Thumb invention could be used by people instead of their real thumbs when they watered the lawn.  No more sore thumbs!


Now Available on QVC

Patrick will be selling the Monkey Thumb on QVC next week.  Tune in.  Because it will sell out! I’ll bet my monkey’s uncle it will.