The First Days of Jude Alic on What He Believes To Be Mars

Posted on Nov 24, 2013 in Funny

His name is Jude Alic Christie.  He was just born 2 weeks ago and he is getting used to his life here.  He believes he has landed not on earth, but on the planet mars because everything is so new and strange. These Martians,  they have big heads.  The say garbled things to him and they keep probing him.  He heard that’s what Martians do.  He has landed on Mars.  He is quite sure of it.

He likes this Martian a lot.  She seems sweet.


 He likes how she calls him butter and how she kisses him


He likes to sleep.  This girl like it when he is awake though to play.


“What the heck is this about?”,  Jude wondered quietly to himself.


Blah, these people are BORING sometimes Jude thinks.


“Am I the only one not having fun?” he says, “Everyone else, laughing. Me – not so much.”


“Thats so cool that me, pooping in my diaper can provide such entertainment.  You’re welcome very much.”, thinks Jude to himself.


She keeps saying to me, “You’re fine, you’re fine” but I’m just not buying it yet.


She seems sweet though.  And we color coordinate superbly so there’s hope.


If I could figure out this garbled code the speak, I might figure out just what they want from me. At the moment however, its highly confusing


This Martian lets me sleep. I’m not sure of her role in this whole thing, possibly Chief Martian Scientist because she’s always around.


I haven’t tried Chocolate yet.  When do I get that? sigh…


Day 14:  The Martians put me in Pajamas with Camels on it and had some device they called a “Camera” in my face for hours.


Martians are nice though.  This was a nice moment


The Chief Scientist also hugs me a lot.


I think I’ll stick around with these Martians.  That makes me a Martian too. Mars is going to be A-ok with me.


You can see the whole gallery of the Martians taking care of Jude here – Jude Alic

Meet the Babichev’s. Most Big Success Tale in Village of USA

Posted on Oct 30, 2013 in Funny

The Babichev come to America in 1987, September 19.   It’s good.  Many big plans to make fortune box running organized protection and security company for local neighbor business. A few dollars here and there to make sure no problems.

And then, with hard work they dream to meet stars like Farrah Fawcet, Cheryl Tiegs and Robert Pine of Hit Television Box Show CHIPS

There is Papa and Mamochka. They bring 3 boys and Dedushka (everywhere they go, Dedushka goes). Let’s meet family now America style.

Meet Papa – Victorvovich Babichev

Meet Victovovich. He is man of house and very strong. In home village, Karovka, back in motherland, he wrestle bears with only hands.  He lose left ball in one wrestle match.

In USA he run business with with sons.  Mostly he provide protection to local business from other bad men.  He take small percentage from each business to exchange for beat up people.  Victovovich is good man.

PAPA copy

Meet Mamochka – Katrina Babichev

Mamochka is strong woman.  She give the birth to 8 children but 4 eaten by bears in village and one fall down well.  Only 3 sons left.  Momochka most beautiful woman in Karovka.  Victovovich spend 18 pigs to father to get her marriage.  Now her Papovich is richest man in all of village.

BDS_6423 copy

Katrina has the big bottom and many men of village have very desire.  She is strong woman and very devote a Victor but men like hungry wolves and send flowers to possible interest her for sexy favors.


Meet Big Boy Anatoly Babichev (Oldest Brother)

Anatoly was born with silver spoon in mouth.  Mother feed him raw meet from baby time to make him strong.  Anatoly run business with Papa.  Anatoly has many woman to want to marry him but he waiting for woman as beauty as Momochka.


Meet most good looking brother #2 Vladimir Babichev

He look like movie star Eric Estrada and wears leather pant.  In village square he lift 2 bushel of hay with baby on top over head to show strong muscles to ladies.  In family business he is known as “Good Vladimir” because he talk smooth with business lady and wink wink his eye to them when he talk.


Meet Baby Boy Boris “The Enforcer” Babichev

Baby Boy Boris is big gyro of village.  Boris is afraid not to make punchy punchy with anyone or bear or jaguar.  Since boy he like dance in style of his gyro Michale Jackshon. He wore red sparkly glove but lost.  Now just wear black glove like Michale.


Meet Dedushka Ivan Babichev, Oldest Man in village of USA

Dedushka now has 115 years but maybe double count years.  Ivan come to village of USA in 1994 from Karovka with big dream to meet movie star Burt Reynold and maybe to live with him.

BDS_6439 copy

Dedushka was big time boxy fan in village.  His father, Petroco, was famous boxy boy in homeland and win many matches.  He keeps picture of his papochka on night stand and proud to know him.


The Babichev’s is very happy for you meet you. Za zdorovje!!

Her One Big Shot to Become Princess of the Internet.

Posted on Oct 18, 2013 in Funny

She’d seen me walk around with my big camera taking shots of everyone.  She secretly admitted to herself, yet no one else, how envious she was of them.  She snuck out of her crib on more than one occasion while her mom and dad where sleeping in the room across the hallway to steal glances of his blog.

Her favorite post were ones that he posted of her brother Geno. “That boy cracks me up” she goo’d and gaa’d quietly as she scrolled down the screen looking at one page after another of Geno making funny faces.

As she watched him walk around the room taking pictures of everyone she thought to herself how wonderful it would be someday to have just a single picture taken of herself.  It would be a great moment.  She would prepare for hours on poses she would make, the cute faces she would make and perhaps even a few funny shots that would make her brother proud. “It’s going to be a dream and I will become a star” she laughed aloud, “oh my how I wish it to be true!”

I would so very much like to become princess of the internet. And I will make it happen!  As she thought to herself quietly she was jolted back to reality when she realized that he was right in front of her.

“Oh my God no!” she gasped to herself.  This can’t be happening.  I am not ready.  I can’t believe this is happening now of all times she screamed in her head.  Then Click.  It was done.  He had taken the picture.

An alarmed Baby Camille is prematurely cast into the internet limelight.


This is not right.  Her arms and legs began to flutter wildly.  She spontaneously drooled compounding an already unfortunate situation.  This was her Big Shot and it was not at all what she had envisioned.

She flitted so wildly that his camera blurred the shot.  The sophisticated piece of camera equipment which could freeze frames at 1/8000 of a second was unable to keep up with her nervous energy.   She tried to calm down so she could at least get a single shot salvaged from the fiasco.  In her excitement, her body would not cooperate.

A frantic Baby Camille desperately tries to control her nerves during her big moment.


Resigned to her fate, Little Camille thought that she had blown her one chance.  “I’ll never get that Princess shot up on the internet that I keep seeing in my head”. “I’ll never make my bro proud!”.  Looking up at the camera she tried one last and final time to get that princess shot. Then click.  It was done.

Pulling it all together, an Internet Princess is Born.

BDS_4387 copy

A little tongue and cheek article

Posted on Oct 5, 2013 in Funny

I wrote this article for PetaPixel this week and it was a sarcastic plan for how to save money by not hiring a professional wedding photographer.

While I am not a professional myself, I am obviously a huge believer that hiring a great wedding photographer is some of the best money that you will spend on your wedding.

Photographing a wedding is so complex, so specialized and important that you need a professional to do it right.  But anyway, if you think you want to save $100, here’s a pretty difficult way to do it.

You can check out the article here – How to Save Big Money by Not Hiring a Professional Wedding Photographer.


Punkin it up in the 80’s while Dad’s not Watching

Posted on Sep 29, 2013 in Funny

One of my favorite photos now is a photo that I really hated years ago.  I ripped the picture into a hundred pieces and threw it in the trash I hated it that much.

I was in college at the time and my friend Aaron laughed, took all the pieces out of the trash and reassembled it for me years later thanks to Photoshop.  The picture had a second life.

These days I laugh at the photo when I see it and my mind often wanders back to the time when it was taken.  It was 1982.  I was 16. I had my classic Gibson guitar.  I was sitting on my bed painstakingly trying to learn each chord of every song on the The Clash Combat Rock cassette which I played and replayed thousands of times.  I had figured out a way to string my guitar directly into the stereo system and I was able to play along chord for chord with the Clash.

Mary, my sister walked in and said, “Oh my God you look just like BONO FROM U2”.  She ran and grabbed the camera and took the picture I would later despise, and then learn to love years later.  Now telling the ultimate geeky kid that they looked like Bono (the ultimate hunk of a hunk teen-beat at the time) was a real confidence booster.

Mary was prone to extremely over the top compliments and exaggerations so I didn’t really believe I actually looked like Bono.  But I do think she was almost correct if she meant Bozo.

Me with my Gibson guitar (looking exactly like Bono according to Mary)


 Bono or Bozo.  You be the judge.

bono bozo copy

To be young in the 80’s

When you turn 14 or 15 you start to look at the world through different glasses. You get a glimpse of independence, start to form your own likes and dislikes and start to gravitate towards things that interest you.  I really believe if you were a teenager in the mid 80’s you were the luckiest generation to have ever walked the planet.

The 1980’s were probably one of the most exciting, creative and musically innovative times ever.  If you were a kid at the time you were right in the thick of the whole thing living every rebellious and exciting minute of it. Not only were you experiencing everything new but the world was delivering to you one of the newest and most exciting music scenes of all time.

So many choices -Punk, New Romantic, Rockabilly, New Wave, Mod

The thing about the 80’s is that it played right into youth at the time.  There wasn’t just one type of music emerging there was a whole generation of styles all rising up at the same time.  Punk bands like Fear, Dead Kennedys, Circle Jerks, Minor Threat; New Romantic Bands like The Cure, Depeche Mode; Rockabilly Bands like The Blasters and Stray Cats, New Wave Bands like The Thompson Twins and Flock of Seagulls and Mod Bands like the Specials all emerged on the scene at the same time.

It was like going to Sir Georges Smorgesbord in Chula Vista and having infinite choices and just gorging yourself with music.  The 80’s were a very good time if you liked to gorge on all types of music.

A collection of awesomeness from the 80’s.

collage punk

We didn’t have the Internet, Mobile Phones, Texting or Digital Cameras – We Just Had Checkered Shoes and Walkmans

I think it would have been really hard for the same music innovation and scene to be created in today’s world.  We didn’t have any sort of modern technology that youth have today.  We didn’t spend any of our time on “Computers”.

This was our computer.


And this was our Iphone


The only thing emerging at the time that changed everything was Music Television.  MTV was starting to broadcast music videos and it was fueling the demand for music and music fashion.  If you were a musician, artist, fashion designer at the time everything was about the music and fashion.  In todays world everything is about the technology and social networking.

Patrick my brother moon walked in these little bad boys until the soles wore out.   He was the first self-proclaimed Michael Jackson loving Punk Rock kid.


Well we did have some cool technology.  Bridget listens to music on her watch.


The 80’s was all about the Hair

It’s always been about the hair, but the 80’s were really about the hair.  Your hair defined you.  Hair got very big, very fast in the 80’s.    Since my hair didn’t really seem to get spiky I had to gravitate more towards the Stray Cats Rockabilly look.

Using the “Stray Cats Look” had another benefit – I could hide the haircut from my dad by scrunching it up and making it smaller when I wasn’t out Rockabillying around the neighborhood.  I also managed to hide a pretty long tail (which I dyed blond) for many year.  At school I would break it out “party style” than at night I would tuck it back in “business style”

Everything is “A-OK” dad.  This innocent looking haircut could be quickly blow-dryed out into an insane Rockabilly curl or occasionally that Flock of Seagulls look


Mary also opted in for the Stray Cats look as well as all my clothes.   You would look for your jacket and it would be no where to be found then you would go to school and there she was wearing your best jacket.


Hidden Punky Memories: How to be Punk when your Dads not watching

My dad was pretty strict, and needless to say Punk and  “That Hard Metal Music” as he called it was strictly off limits. If he heard you playing hard punk music you would be royally busted. I guess that made it all the more intriguing.

Dad liked onions.  He was not a fan of “Hard Metal Music” however.


I went to a record store down the street called Licorice Pizza and picked up a cassette called “Combat Rock” by the Clash. I brought the cassette home and threw away the cassette cover in the trash. I thought it would be easier to hide it plus I didn’t want my dad to think I was declaring some sort of war with music like “Combat Rock”.  I hid that cassette underneath my mattress when I wasn’t playing it was was pretty much only when I wasn’t in school or sleeping.

When dad wasn’t home I would crank that music to 10.  When he was home I would turn the volume down to 1 and sit and listen with my ears right on the speaker.      I was the worlds most un-rebellious punker. I just loved the music.  I was punkin it up when Dad wasn’t watching.


Cool Stuff and Epic Battles

I remember hearing about epic battles between mods and rockers at Hilltop High School up the street from our house.  I never saw one but I remember vividly hundreds of scooters passing my house and all the guys wearing their parkas and driving their cool scooters.  I remember wishing I had a scooter and was on my way to the fight with them.   Well not really but in my head I imagined it.  I eventually ended up owning about 6 different scooters and Vespa’s throughout the years but never engaged in any epic Mod gang battles.

Mods hanging out on Scooters  in San Diego (From


Almost Caught!

It was 1982.  Billy Idol was emerging as a pretty big star and he was coming to San Diego.  He had just released White Wedding and I was a big fan.  I headed over the Del Mar arena without permission one night as he was having a big show there.

Since his hit hadn’t really caught on I was pretty much front and center for the whole show.  It was 10 the show was wrapping up and everything was going smoothly according to plan.  I would be back home by 11pm and could explain to my dad how I had been studying at the Library all night.

Well that was until the keyboard player for Billy Idol (Bonnie Hayes) decided to throw her half empty cup of undrunk whiskey out into the crowd.  I just happened to be right in front of the tidal wave of Whiskey which poured all over my shirt.  This was going to be hard to explain to my dad.  Its hard to be a hidden 16 year old punk when you smell like an old Whiskey hobo.


What made the 80’s Special?

Whether you were a mod, a rocker, a nuro, a stoner, a rockabilly a punker or a jock the 80’s were probably the best time to be a teen.  Everything was exciting a new, not necessarily because you were a teen but because it actually WAS new and exciting.  Everyone had an identity and everything was cool.   Looking back it was cool because everyone participated in the era in whatever way they could.  It was truly a renaissance of music and I don’t think its been replicated ever since.  I am not sure if there ever will be another 80’s because it seems like every last thing was tried in the 80’s.  We basically hoarded everything new and exciting.

Danny and Patrick enjoying Ferrreri’s, music and punk skating.


Things were just happening all around us with the music scene and it just shaped our lives as it happened.  If you were lucky enough to be born in 80’s you were one lucky kid.

The Proper Cowboy Distance is 2 Feet, Maybe 3.

Posted on Sep 7, 2013 in Funny

The Nash Family are a Western sort.  By and By they might put on their Sunday Fancies and take pictures and such.  But theres not much time for such things and the like, particularly not with chores to do around the house.

First there’s Papa Nash.  Papa Nash is keen on fine spirits of the varietal found south of the California border.  Down there, Whiskey and the like goes by the name of Tequila and legend has it that is created with cactus.  Imagine that, Whiskey from the Cactus of all things.  Moonshiners and like minded folk out there in the desert creating spirits from Cactus!

Papa Nash, on a particularly parched afternoon, is known to take a long tug from the bottle and exclaim to himself, “My my my, the Gods themselves have created a nectar so fine.  I do declare”.  Occasionally he will partake of that nectar a second or third time as a honorable gesture to those Gods so as not to get them riled for lack of respect of their most charitable gift to humankind.

phil bw

And Mama Nash, she spends her time a keepin up the house.  A sweepin and a hootin and hollerin at the boys to keep their dusty boots off the floor and such.  Them boys know all to well that Mama Nash will not tolerate idleness and filth inside the house.

If’n they keep on a doin it, she claims, “they’ll be hell to pay boys” (and she says it two times on account of Papa Nash needs a double warning to heed her.

Mama Nash keeps the good humor in the house and makes a downright wicked plate of twice baked grits on hard tack with beef jerky drippins.


Mama Nash and Papa Nash been married and such on and so forth for a goin on a more years then it takes a stubborn mule to travel to them Chinese parts on the other side of the world.  Now, the proper Cowboy distance between a Man and Wife  is 2 feet in public and 3 feet when they’s in private.

Occasionally Papa Nash tries a sneeky smooch.  “We’ll have none of that”, Mama Nash yells and quickly draws her gun from her holster to a show him she means business.  She once fired a shot in the air to prove she was serious.


The pride and joy of the Nash family is them youngins.  Young strappin boys that can bale a yard of hay quicker than you can yell, “bale that hay boys”.  And they can eat.  Mama’s twice-cooked grits go down real fine like after a hard day toilin in the Sun.  Mama Nash shore do love them boys.

Youngin Ryan, the elder of the youngin’s is known for a whoopin and a hollerin something fierce when he goes to that big city – The Town of Las Vegas Neeeevada.  Why just the other night he closed down every Saloon in the city and the local papers reported that he wasn’t drinkin Sasparella but the devils juice itself.  Would you imagin that?   The other youngin Kevin is a minstrel, wandering towns a singin a songs like a bird with a harp.


Well, that there is the story of the Nash family.  A good family.  A wholesome and clean living sort that isn’t beyond having a hearty laugh when temperaments allow.  On the by and by we’ll see them soon I reckon.


UnLicensed Captain Plows Through Mekong Delta

Posted on Aug 11, 2013 in Funny

He had just boarded a passenger and auto ferry deep in the heart of the Vietnamese Jungle to take a short excursion to a remote island.   There must have been close to 100 people and cars on the ferry and as sweat dripped off his forehead he made his way to the upper deck to speak to the Captain.  He liked boats so he wanted to ask the Captain a few questions.

“Go Ahead and Take the Controls Sir”

“Go ahead and take the controls”, the Captain said, stepping back from the large tiller offering it with a hand gesture.  Bill didn’t know Vietnamese but he smiled and took the wheel.

He was piloting a large passenger vessel loaded with tons of cars and motorcycles.  He didn’t know the language, the river or how to Pilot this type of boat – but here he was.  Welcome to Vietnam.


Passenger Ferrys like this are pretty common in Vietnam which is cut into many inaccessible areas due to the wandering Mekong Delta and thousands of other small rivers that cross it.

There are dangerous sandbars that crop up everywhere which make it hard to navigate.  That didn’t bother Bill as he plowed his way down through the Mekong Delta.

The passengers below seemed oblivious to the fact that this foreigner had commandeered the vessel.


The ships mate found it mildly humorous that a white man in a rice hat held his life in his hands.  But Bill had a certain air of authority.

After all he did come to Vietnam bearing the good wishes of Obama (his self proclaimed “good friend’).  “Obama”, he said, had sent him on a goodwill mission to bring the people of Vietnam and the US closer together.

This ferry ride was part of his grander scheme to bring international harmony to the cultures.


Tu waits, and watches.  She hopes to make it to the Island in one piece.


Bill peers into the distance.  He is not sure what he is looking for.  He is not sure where to go.  But he is vigilantly watching.

This is more a show designed to comfort those around him than to actually do anything with what he sees.  A Captain always watches.


Man on boat realizes he is not entirely comfortable with the situation as he bites his lip while gazing downward.  It’s only temporary he thinks to himself.

man on boat

We were traveling through a remote area of Vietnam that was famous for Shrimp Farming.  In fact, Shrimp Farming had been practiced here since the 15th Century.

We traveled to a small island with no running water, no electricity – just shrimp farmers.  And they had a lot of shrimp!  This Shrimp Farmer cooked us a meal with the Shrimp he fished out with this net.

Shrimp Farming

These Shrimp Farmers struggle to lift a massive container filled with Shrimp!

Shrimp farming2

So I guess your wondering if we made it.  Did Bill deliver us to the Island, unharmed?  Well the answer is yes.  And we had a great time watching him perform this once in a lifetime opportunity.    Welcome to Vietnam Bill.