Some thing to Ponder
Sometimes at work you may not agree with something, but you must always remember this in the process. You are but a grain of corn.
The Survivor
Billy’s Sexcapades Sex Toy Shoppe was the busiest little Sex Toy Store in the Tri-State area. Selling the greatest variety of sex toys in a clean well-lit store, Billy Wonky the owner had a winning formula. This was not your typical pervy sex toy store. Sexcapades was a nice bright place that you could even bring your grandma to and browse the aisles.
In the world of Sex Toys, Billy was the quality king. A big sign hung near the cash register emblazoned with the words “Quality Sex Toys You’ll Be Able To Pass on To Your Kids, They’re That Good!”. Customers loved how durable Billy’s dildos and blow up dolls were and loved having good quality sex toys that could be passed down from father to son for generation after generation.
A Project of Giving
After gaining much success with his sex toy shoppe. Billy felt that he wanted to evangelize his message of delivering great quality sex toys to the world, even to the economically disadvantaged. So he hatched a plan to establish a global charity – “Dildo’s Without Borders” whose sole mission was to change the world by giving quality dildo’s to the poor.
“Just because you’re a Hobo, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a nice dildo or sex toy in your shopping cart that you wheel around town”, said Billy to the local news station that covered the story.
The project would mean at least 2 years on the road, so Billy would need to close up the sex toy shoppe while he was gone.
In preparation he prepared a high tech security system that would ensure that no one could get in or out of the shoppe without the set of keys that he and he alone would have. Billy didn’t want thieves stealing his valuable toys.
Closing Day at the Sex Toy Shoppe
Billy announced closing day and held a big sale to make sure that everyone could stock up on their sex toys before he left on his long trip. It was on this very day that a very curious lad named Thomas Tinkade, or as his friends called him – “Tinky”- happened upon the shoppe.
Thomas was a bit of an odd duck but he was enamored by what he saw. Like a kid in a candy store, the wall to wall sex toys was like walking through the gates of heaven for Tinky.
Sex dolls, brightly colored vibrators and lube as far as the eye could see. It was all a bit overwhelming for him, but he felt at home. “I am absolutely gobsmacked with this place”, said Tinky as he browsed the aisle.
Tinky Has a Clever Idea
Tinky was having so much fun. When the owner Billy announced it was closing time he was crushed. He didn’t want to leave so he came up with a clever plan to hide behind a pair of butt-less leather chaps until the owner left.
By doing this he could spend all night in the sex toy shoppe and have a lot of fun. When the owner opened the store the next day, he could leave. Tinky was completely unaware however that the store would be closed for 2 years while Billy passed out Dildos to hobos and poor people in third world countries.
So Tinky hid behind the leather pants and kept very quiet. At 10pm precisely Billy the owner turned off the lights, activated the security system and locked down the store. The door clicked shut and Tinky’s heart raced. He had done it! Now he could play all night in the Sex Toy Shoppe! Hurray!
What a Night! Followed by a Terrible Realization.
To say Tinky had a blast would be an understatement. When he wasn’t trying on the various penis paraphernalia, he was browsing the endless display of dildos or turning on every assortment of vibrator you can think of. He stayed up all night. It was one of his favorite nights of all time.
When the sun began to come up, Tinky rushed back behind the pair of butt-less chaps to hide when the store was reopened. He waited. And he waited. And he fell asleep. Hours later he awoke and realized the store was still closed.
He carefully walked out of his hiding place and began to investigate a little further. Why was the store still closed? Where is the owner. Is he sick? As he walked to the cashier he saw a large poster behind the counter and his jaw dropped.
The sign said, “Closed for 2 Years To Change the World, See You in 2018!” He could not believe what he was seeing.
Locked In For Good
After realizing the store would be closed for 2 years, Tinky rushed to try to escape the store. When he got to where the door should be he encountered the 10-ton iron door that Billy the owner had installed as part of his high security system.
And where the windows were, Billy had shuttered them with 18-ton steel curtains. It would be impossible to leave. The security system that Billy had installed was impenetrable!
Tinky realized he was locked in the store for good. For two years he would be stuck in this sex toy shoppe prison. What had once been heaven to him was quickly turning into his own private hell. He would surely die in the store of starvation and malnutrition before the doors would be opened in two years.
Assessing the Situation and Learning to Survive
For two days and nights Tinky cried himself to sleep in his makeshift bed of hundreds of pairs of glow in the dark condoms. They made a pretty scratchy pillow but provided a slight support of his neck which was enough to help him sleep.
Hunger pangs began to creep in and Tinky noticed his ribs were beginning to show. Tinky knew his days were numbered. He knew he could very well die within days.
After he calmed down, he noticed something out of the corner of the eye on one of the shelves nearby. “Could this be?”, he thought to himself as he walked over the shelf.
The word, “Edible” came into focus and Tinky screamed with delight. “Edible Underwear! My God this is a Blessing!”, he yelled. Ripping open the package in his week state, Tinky ferociously began to tear at the delicious chocolate G-String in the package. It was certainly small but he felt the hunger pains fade away slightly. There was hope for Tinky.
Finding edible undies was a turning point for Tinky in his survival game.
Stockpiling and Rationing
To survive, Tinky would have to be smart. By his math, he would need to eat at least 700 meals to survive the two years. If he rationed he reckoned he could make it 500 meals. So he began to take inventory in the store and to his surprise he began to find many sources of nutrition that would carry him through.
There were 100 pairs of mens edible G strings in chocolate, succulent strawberry red hot rasberry. There were 100 pairs of fancy woman edible panties in Apple, Orange, Cherry and Cinnamon flavors.
There were hundreds of bags of gummy penises, 46 large vanilla flavored dildos, 7 large dildo gummy worms, 14 Chocolate Dick Sticks, and a naked lady cake with a bunch of naked ladies on it that someone had forgot to pick up.
It wasn’t much for two years, but Tinky being the math wiz he was, came up with a formula based on what he would need to ration. By his calculations he could survive exactly two years with what he had.
The naked lady cake would provide much needed nutrition to Tinky.
The Day to Day Grind
It was grueling. Tinky was doing well, rationing his food. He was losing weight but he was still alive and that is what mattered. And the food was not bad. It was fun to eat and he actually learned to enjoy the routine of smacking down on a handful of Peter Peckers Penis Gummy’s while he pondered life.
Penis Gummy’s provided Tinky with enjoyment as well as nutrition.
And there were the edible underwear but they got boring after awhile. There is only so much edible underwear you can eat before you start to feel like your eating the same old thing even though they were different flavors.
After several months, even the Apple Crotchless Edible Underwear started to bore Tinky
Christmas 2016
It was about 1 year into this horrible journey for Tinky. It was Christmas Eve. He knew he should treat himself to something special and he had prepared for weeks for this night. Several weeks earlier, Tinky had carefully pre-wrapped a gift for himself which he now opened slowly.
As he gently pulled back the last of the wrapping paper, there it was in his hand – The Last Chocolate Dick on a Stick. A tear fell from Tinky’s eye as he opened the package and began to slowly savor it in all its wonderful glory.
A Thankful Tinky Enjoyed his Last Chocolate Dick on a Stick that Christmas Eve
Companionship and Eventually Marriage
Nourishment of the body is one thing. Nourishment of the soul is another thing entirely. Tinky was learning this all too well as he slipped deeper and deeper into loneliness as the months dragged on. Tinky needed something. He needed someone. He needed to fill a void.
Just when he thought things could not get any lower, he spotted her. There she was. She was beautiful and she had empathetic eyes that seemed to pierce right through to his soul. Her eyes consoled him and told him everything was going to be alright.
He shyly approached her and took her from her box. Her name was Tina Tuner and they quickly became fast friends even though he often times longed for more.
Her name was Tina Turner and she had eyes that seemed to pierce his soul which consoled him deeply.
Day after day Tina Turner and Tinky became closer and closer. Their conversations were unlike any he had ever had before and he felt that Tina Turner could read his mind. “How do you do it you sassy tramp?!” he exclaimed one giddy moment as he reached in to kiss her. It was unexpected. He didn’t plan it but he was falling deeply in love with Tina Turner.
The next day they were married and they celebrated with the last piece of the naked lady cake he had kept for special occasions.
Making it to DayBreak
Life was good those final months. Plenty of good food and lots of enjoyable conversations and general romping around with Tina Turner. Days seemed to pass quickly until one morning when Tinky heard the large 10-ton doors begin to open.
Could this be? Yes. It could! Billy Wonki was returning from his successful project having gifted dildos to some of the most impoverished people in the world.
Tinky rushed to the door and the sunlight filled the room. He was blinded for several moments but called out to Billy pleading him to forgive him for having devoured all of the dick sticks, the edible underwear and the chocolate dildos. “I will repay you!” he exclaimed, “If it is the last thing I do!”
A Hero, A Survivor
Tinky went on to become a national hero. His story of survival became the blue print for all survivalist thereafter. His ability to improvise, to be creative and to never stop made him the ultimate survivalist and hero in the world.
But more importantly, Tinky found something else in that strange sex shoppe that made him a hero as well. He found love and that my friends is the true story of perseverance and survival.
Tinky went on Ted Talks, appeared on CNN and became a motivational speaker for companies like GE, Microsoft and Apple Computers. He taught sex toy survivalist workshops to the likes of Sean Penn and other famous actors that wanted to learn how to survive on edible underwear and nothing else. His inspirational journey was later turned into a major motion picture and seen in over 6,000 countries in 98 different languages.
So that is the story of “The Survivor”. That is the story of Thomas Tinkade and his wife Tina Turner. It is a story of one of America’s greatest hero’s and his sex doll wife. Tinky, we salute you, and we salute your heroism.
American Sex Toy Shoppe Survivor Hero – Thomas Tinkade.
My So Called Loco Life
Not many people know I took up vato gang banging shortly after I turned 16. I was born in Chula Vista so naturally most of my friends were hispanic and I was generally pretty familiar with the cholo scene. In High School I used to roll in Low Riders and such with a friend named Frank Willis as he was part of the infamous “International” Car Club.
Frank Willis used to walk with a limp like he was shot but that was just for effect. He wasn’t really shot but I used to imitate his walk because I thought it looked cool.
I’d always considered myself 50% Mexican and at one point when I was 7 thought my real name was Francisco. One teacher asked me, “why are you writing “Francisco McKenna on your papers now?”
Chips and Salsa
When I turned 16 I moved to Santa Barbara to go the seminary to become a priest. It was a boarding school but little did I know that the school was 50% filled with kids that wanted to become priest and 50% filled with kids whose parents wanted to send off for behavior issues or gang violence.
Anyway, the whole vato thing started with a guy named Ray Mendoza. Ray was a cholo from Hayward California and used to write big “A’s” in cholo writing on everything. The cholo “A” in old letters was meant to stand for “A Street Hayward” – which was a pretty notorious vato gang located near Oakland California.
Ray made some cool hand signs, wore a hair net, khakis and white tank top. He used to iron the hell out of the khakis every morning cause he wanted that crease sharp as a knife. I really admired him. I wanted to iron my clothes too but I was too lazy.
One day, Ray Mendoza bought a bag of tortilla chips and some La Victoria salsa and asked me if I wanted to go eat chips and salsa with him. Never had it before so I agreed. Next thing I know, Ray and I are dipping these nacho chips in some pretty spicy salsa and my mouth is on fire.
But I just keep dipping, like a fiend since I liked it so much. Little did I know but apparently I was being groomed – groomed to become a gang banger. Once you start eating chips and salsa its a slippery slope to becoming a full fledged vato loco and I was about to find that out the hard way.
I was an innocent kid but little did I realize that I was being groomed to become a Vato with Chips and Salsa
Los Mission Boys
Days became weeks and Ray and I continued to head out to eat Chips and Salsa at least a couple of times a week. He’d talk about A St Hayward and his life back home. Ray started to introduce me to other cholos in school and pretty soon I was hanging out with them everyday.
Over time, I learned that the transplanted cholos in the school from gangs all over California had decided to start up a new gang in Santa Barbara – they were called the Mission Boys. And apparently, I was in the gang too.
I didn’t apply or anything, they just told me – your a Mission Boy Pancho (thats another way to say Frank in Spanish). It was easy as that – I was in a gang. I kind of liked it. We ate Chips and Salsa.
They called us the Mission Boys because the school was located next to Old Mission Santa Barbara
La Lucha (The Fight)
One Friday night I was in the hall watching the movies they brought in for the kids and all of sudden a commotion started and kids started to leave the room. I was curious so I stepped outside and all the Cholo’s were going loco talking about how they’d been disrespected by another gang and this and that. They were going to go out for vengeance and retribution.
A gang fight was about to begin and being a “Mission Boy” I could not let my homeys down. We all ran outside and found sticks and started running out of the school grounds determined to protect our gang territory, our good name, our colors and our hood.
Second Thoughts
As we headed down the street running, something occurred to me. I didn’t really want to be a vato or a gangbanger. I mean I love Chips and Salsa but this? I am not even sure how I even ended up in a gang. But here I was on my way to an all out gang fight with sticks. I wasn’t mad. Heck I was actually kind of happy go lucky running down the streets there. I couldn’t muster an angry thought about the Mission Boys being disrespected in anyway. And I particularly didn’t want to clobber anyone with a stick or worse yet take a stick to my own head.
I had nagging doubts about this whole vato thing so I started to slow my roll down quite a bit. Pretty soon I was near the back of the pack and I stopped to pretend to tie my shoelace. The guys kept running and then I was alone. “That was close”, I said to myself and I threw the stick in the nearby bushes and walked back to the dorms.
I never turned out to be this guy, I realized then and there I was a chips and salsa vato not a fighting vato.
The Great Flaco Flim Flam
About an hour later everyone started filing back in the dorms full of excitement. Some scrapes and bruises but otherwise everyone was ok. I cruised over to a couple of the guys and was thinking how upset they were going to be that I abandoned the gang.
I started talking to them and it suddenly occurred to me that THEY HAD NO IDEA that I wasn’t in the fight – in fact they thought I was there battling right along with them. We shared war stories and I was all agreeable and conversational through it all. I could not believe my luck. I retained my status in the Mission Boys and no one was none the wiser.
Still down with the crew (as long as it only involves chips and salsa, no fighting or illegal stuff)
Chips and Salsa Vato til I Die Homes
Well needless to say, I started to distance myself a bit from my old gang banging homeys but I never lost my friendship with Ray. In fact we kept going out a couple of times a week, buying a bag of chips and jar of La Victoria salsa. I have some great memories with Ray and lots of laughs. Those were great times.
I really enjoyed being a Chips and Salsa Vato and to this day still consider myself one. I never became a priest at that seminary by the way but I’m still chips and salsa lover, not a fighter.
The Final and Most Important Leap Forward in Photography of All Time
Its not what you shoot, Its How you Shoot
In todays rough and tumble world of Photography you need to stand out and have your own style. With photographers endlessly jockeying for likes on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, 500PX, Flickr, Tumblr one breed of photographer is emerging as the ultimate champion – The Style Shooter.
The Style Shooter is expert in all stances and knows that good photography is in the art of presentation. He understands the evolution of photography and strives his Darwinian best to survive.
Photography is no longer about the way the photo looks. And, even more importantly, its no longer about the Filter. No, Photography is about the way YOU look taking the photo. In fact forget the memory card. You don’t even need it anymore.
Style shooting is the ultimate victory for Form over Substance. It is a battle which has been waging in photography for years.
Create Your Own Personal Style
I read to be a successful photographer you have to get your own personal style. I have been working on various styles but to be honest its brutally hard and requires (as many of people have told me) years of practice and a ceaseless commitment to become the best.
I’m getting good. But am I getting great? Only time will tell.
The Style is the Substance
Drawing the distinction between style over substance can be extremely difficult. Just look at the popularity of post processing filters and you realize style is often more important than substance. So, naturally we have evolved to the point where the style is the substance. Now, we must learn the style. We are stylist and must set the trend.
Will this shot look good? Who cares. Do I look good? No, but I’m working on it and that is what matters.
An Impressive Technician of The Trade
His Name is Matt McDaniel – I came across his shots online – check his article out here. If you’re going to hire a wedding photographer, or someone to photograph a special event you want your guest to know you got the best photographer out there.
Imagine, as the guest come in and see this firestorm of a photographer making the rounds getting shots. His sheer force and determination to conquer every shot will be all the guest will remember – they will never even remember to check out the pictures he took they were so impressed.
An impressive and awe inspiring self portrait the photographer shows of his technique
A Virtuoso and His Craft
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the heavy hitter in the Big League of Style Shooting – Tangkap Gambar. Tangkap’s style is marked with fluid motions, near seamless segue ways from shot to shot, and breathtaking postures done nonchalantly and seemingly without effort.
Look how he stands out from the crowd. Other photographers try to get the shot. They cannot because the wedding parties eyes are glued on him. The sheer mastery at work is enough to make you want to get your camera and change the way you do photography. I know I did, and I am a fan
http://youtu.be/6mQuMNhP3ps
I Saw Ladanian Tomlinson in a Starbucks and Acted So Cool that I Didn’t Get this Picture
“I’ll have a Vente Coffee with Hazelnut Sryup”, I said as I rummaged through my wallet for my Debit Card. “And your name is…” the barista replied. “Frank, my name is Pha-Rank”, I shot back.
I had taken to really accentuating my first name at Starbucks since I was getting tired of getting my cups back with “Rick” or “Jack” scrawled on them. It seemed to work.
A Familiar Drawl
I walked up to that little rounded waiting area where Barista’s place the drinks, yelling names and coffee orders and where people steal each others drinks. It was then that I heard a familiar voice ordering a Grande Mocha.
I knew that voice instantly. It was a soft spoken Southern Texas accent. I had heard that voice many times before. I turned around and could not believe my eyes. It was Ladanian Tomlinson. Right before my eyes. There he was.
If you have never heard of “LT” before than you are neither a Football Fan nor a San Diegan. LT, the all-time leading rusher for the San Diego Chargers holds no fewer than 59 separate NFL records. He is simply the most amazing rusher of all time.
LaDanian Tomlinson : Future Hall of Famer and All Time Charger Leading Rusher
The Deep Freeze Up
My heart raced to 140 beats per minute. “Calm Down Frank”, I said to myself. I focused on slowing my breathing down and even held my breath a bit. Ok now I was dizzy. Hold on give me a minute.
“Get your act together LOSER”, I screamed again to myself as I fumbled with my phone trying to appear disinterested and distracted. My mind was racing. This was my big chance to meet my hero.
There he was, just me and him in Starbucks. No distractions. No one else. Just me and the guy that I had watched every Sunday for 9 years when he was a Charger. I might as well have been in Starbucks with Jesus.
It was hopeless I was frozen up. I couldn’t talk, let alone think of something interesting or heartfelt to say to him.
1,000 Scenarios in my Mind
Suddenly, LT was literally standing inches from me waiting for his coffee. I fumbled with my phone rapidly reading and writing fake emails. Maybe he would think I was a busy important person and say something engaging to me. I was acting so much like a non-fan that it must have blown him away, intrigued him in a way he had never seen before.
I glanced his way quickly and nonchalantly as I could but realized it must have looked as if I had torret syndrome since I jerked back violently. I could not even squeak out a feeble “Hello sir..”
I quickly raced to things I could say to him. I had a thousand scenarios – my best of LT moments that I could draw from. I had to use one of them.
The Sunday after the Fires
“LT, you brought San Diego up when it needed it most” That is what I was going to say. I thought back to that Sunday that Pete, Irish and Charlie sat up in Qualcomm and watched LT race on the field with the American Flag.
The city was decimated by wild fires that destroyed thousands of homes. When LT raced on the field with the flag, the crowd erupted. We were San Diego, and that was OUR LT. Damn what a moment.
One of the All Time Greatest Moment in San Diego History
Killing the Donkeys
Or maybe, I would tell him, “Sir I want to Thank you for letting us witness your greatness”. I would be shamelessly stealing that line from Hank Bauer (Former Charger and Current Announcer) but it would work perfectly.
I remember when LT set the NFL record. We were there and it was another one of the finest moments of my life.
Getting Traded by A-Hole or Working with Norv
“AJ Smith is an A-Hole”, I would say and lead into a tirade about how AJ Smith traded him away to the Jets. Or how Norv Turner, lost the locker room and confidence and put an end to the LT – Era in San Diego.
Nothing pissed me off more than when they released LT from the Chargers.
That dumb ass look Norv would give literally all the time
Grande Mocha!
They didn’t even say his name. The barista yelled, “Grande Mocha” and LT clutched the suit he was carrying in one arm and grabbed his mocha with the other. Time had run out.
LT was walking away and I had missed my chance. I watched him walk away and wondered to myself if he appreciated my coolness. How I didn’t treat him like a celebrity. How I didn’t gush over him. Maybe he walked away thinking, “Man that guy was cool I wish everyone would be cool like him”
A bobble-headed me and LT. I cannot believe how much taller, how much more gallant I am here than him.
The Ultimate Choke
Maybe I never got that picture with LT. Well damn, I spent 4 minutes with the guy alone in Starbucks and didn’t even utter a peep. I was so busy trying to be cool, that I ended up with nothing. It was the ultimate choke.
Well, maybe that isn’t exactly true. I did end up with a great memory and a great story – How I didn’t meet my hero and I did nothing.
But more than that, I got a chance to re-live some of the greatest moments of my life – those times on those Sundays when I watched LT – my heart racing when I would watch him gallup down the sideline into the end zone.
Now 5 years later he was still making my heart race, even if he was just ordering a Grande Mocha in Starbucks.
“Well, I guess something just never change”, I thought to myself as I looked down at my Starbucks cup. The Barista had scrawled “Rick” on it.
