Big in Europe and Japan
If you enjoyed their first album, “Let’s Make this a Real WhipperSnapper of a Party”, then you’ll love their second Album – Together Again in America.
Together Again in America is a departure for this electronic dance music duo and focuses primarily on songs for the American patriot. With their booty anthem song, “JunkYard in the TrunkYard”, Babay and Frank McKenna took Japan by storm in 2009, rocketing to fame and fortune.
They put the proverbial cherry on top of the cake the following year with another hit single – “Hell Yeah, Slap a Pancake on the Plate” which topped Gangnam Style in certain countries in Eastern Europe. These guys are looking to tap into the American market with songs like, “Where is your birth certificate Obama?”, and “She Likes my Ford Truck when I’m burnin rubber on commies”.
Look for this dynamic duo working the County Fair Circuit.
Death of the American French Fry
I was talking to my brother Patrick. We were growing increasingly concerned about something and we could not hold it in any longer.
Over the years we had witnessed the slow steady decline of the American French Fry and there was seemingly nothing we could do to stop it. Everywhere we went, we could not find a decent french fry. Where were the good french fries?
Did we really think we could improve the French Fry?
You see, we came from a time when a french fry was a french fry and you dipped it in ketchup, saluted the flag, said your prayers, pledged allegiance to the flag and maybe even joined the Boy Scouts. It was simple.
But over time something changed. Everyone started monkeying with the french fry. Putting this on it. Putting that on it. Cutting the potatoes curiously.
Everyone thought they could improve the french fry with something. But instead of something better, we were only seeing something worse happen – the french fry was being destroyed.
In the Mid 90’s the “Gourmet-ification” of the French Fry Begins
I can’t be sure, when it started but from my recollection the bastardization of the American French Fry began sometime in the mid 90’s.
Maybe it coincided with the emergence of reality TV and all these cooking shows but all of sudden everyone was an expert in improving the french fry. I like to call it the Gourmet-ification of the French Fry.
The Dirty 3 Techniques of Destruction
I call them the Dirty 3. The 3 techniques that were used to improve french fries. These are the dirty and frankly fraudulent ways fries (and we) are being manipulated.
Dirty Technique 1 – Messing with the Cut
This is the simplest but also one of the most destructive. For years there were two basic techniques for fries. The regular cut and the steak cut. Your fast food restaurants would use the regular cut and fancier restaurants would use the heartier steak cut. Both worked. Both were fine.
But then, someone got wise ideas. New crappier cuts were invented in the name of advancement. The Criss-Cross Cut, the ShoeString cut, the curly cut, the wedge.
I am sure each of these techniques have their fans but you can’t imagine my disappointment when I order fries at a restaurant and get one of these new fancy-smancy cuts.
I can’t tell you how disappointed I am with Curly Cut Fries.
Dirty Technique 2 – The Spice
The second dirty dirty technique is the “spice it up”. I do not want your cajun fries. I do not want your Garlic fries. I do not want your Rosemary-infused fries. I do not want your cheese fries. I want a french fry. No spice please.
Why do we do this to our french fries?
Dirty Technique 3 – The Battering
I saved the dirtiest and most dastardly technique for last because it has destroyed more french fries than any other technique- The battering of fries. Yes it actually sounds like a crime, and it is a crime. This is the technique that almost every major fast food chain has adopted starting in 1997.
The battering technique was created to make the fries crispier and last longer so when they wanted to keep them under the hot lamps for longer they could still pass them off to unsuspecting customers. The battering technique is an outright fraud against the American public.
Rallys fries are not only battered but spiced too. What exactly are they hiding under all that?
These 3 dirty techniques have all been growing in popularity over the last 15 years. If you track the progress of the American French Fry in Fast Food you will see an alarming trend.
In 1997 Burger King Begins Destroying the French Fry
During 1997, Burger King changed their french fries. Their improved fries were coated with a layer of potato-based starch, which gave the fries a crisp shell that maintained its texture longer.
The company introduced them as “better tasting than McDonalds” and challenged customers to do a taste test side by side comparison.
Despite failing miserably to improve the fry, and not even coming close to beating McDonalds, Burger King never changed their recipe back, electing to continue with that recipe even until today.
In 2010, Jack in the Box Jacked their Fries Too
In 2010, Jack in the Box jacked their french fries opting out of traditional fries that they had been using for 30 years to the new battered and improved fries coated in batter. What a fiasco.
Jack in the Box really monkeyed with, and destroyed their french fries.
One Year Later, Wendy’s Ruins their French Fries
In 2011 Wendy’s (who arguably that absolute best french fries of any fast-food restaurant) decided to “improve” their french fries by abandoning the traditional steak-cut fries that they had always used in favor of natural cut fries.
There is absolutely nothing American about natural cut fries. I am sure Dave Thomas rolled over in his grave when he saw what the new management team had done to his beloved fries.
“So fresh we leave the skin on.” They say.
In 2013, Burger King nails the coffin shut with a Fry developed by Scientist
The final nail on the coffin for the American French Fry was pounded in by none other than Burger King in October 2013. Claiming that they had perfected the french fry after 10 years of research and development in the lab they introduced the grand-daddy of crappy fries called the “Satisfry”. The Satisfry claimed to have 40% less fat and 30% less calories.
How did they achieve such a thing. The secret was in the creation of a batter which they coat the potato in which absorbs less oil. Goodbye french fry. We’ll miss you.
Burger King was so proud of their fries, they temporarily changed their name to “Fries King”.
The Last and Only Hope
This is not an advertisement. I don’t like everything about McDonalds, but I do think they are the last hope for the American French Fry. Despite changing their oil, they still stick to the original recipe that Ray Kroc introduced over 50 years ago.
While others have rushed to new trends and techniques to improve their fries. McDonalds has maintained the same recipe. No fancy batter, no spices, no spirals, no criss-cross-cut, no shoe strings just pure and simple french fries.
Twas not for my beautiful Winnie, I’d be a lonely Man Indeed.
People don’t understand my fascination with beautiful things….An embroidered silk blouse. A fancy hat. Wearing Parisian flats and tinkling my toes in the pond. A good book. A glass of Chantilly (No Ice Please. Please No Ice!) . Succulent exotic fruits dipped in creme de menthe infused cream. A party favor – how lovely! Gold coins – oh the feel of it in your hands!
Scatting around town with light feet on a sunny morning. A light jog on a foggy beach (like a young Marilyn Monroe). A fur coat made of young fox – how perfectly devine. A single red rose – yes I do love you although I must admit tipsy on this champagne. Ballet in the park. Ballet in the dark.. yes simply BALLET ANYWHERE.
An oversexed kitten- I do fancy myself just that indeed. Silk pillows to lay ones head. Silk pajamas on a cool morning after that first sip of a Mimosa (dash a bit extra in for me love!) ah you do know me well.
A painting of me, kneeling, weeping into a willowed and heavily wooded creek while two winged faeries attempt to console me to no avail. A prancing white horse with princess carriage in tow. The snap of a pair of fresh white and tight briefs after a salt scrub.
The smell of Minolo Blahniks upon first opening the box. A single feather in a cap atop a handsome boatman’s head. A flick of a single drop of water that rest upon a leaf on a single tree in a field. A hummingbird in flight to make your heart dance circles. Fancy ketchup in glass bottles.
These are all those things of beauty that enrich my soul. And through it all – there is Winnie. Tis not for my beautiful Winnie, I’d be a lonely man indeed.
Mr Clean
These boys love to keep it clean. They came to my house Saturday and decided my house was filthy so they went to work.
Fart Blanche- Five Steps to Gaining Unlimited Farting Freedom
If you think “Fart Blanche” is out of your reach, think again.
Carte Blanche; which literally translates to “blank check” in French has been used for years to convey one’s freedom to do whatever they want. Carte Blanche is a sort of unconditional authority typically reserved for Kings or mega celebrities like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian.
Fart Blanche on the other hand refers to another blank check of sorts – the power to fart unconditionally and without penalty. Unlike its sophisticated sister, Carte Blanche which is rarely granted, Fart Blanche is a power that can be enjoyed by just about everyone – even the common man.
Surprisingly Fart Blanche is rarely taken advantage of by most people. Unless your over the age of 80 or on a remote island you’ll probably rarely, if ever, feel that you have the power to fart at will without consequence or embarrassment.
If you feel that way, this guide is for you. We here at the Fart Institute are going to empower you by teaching you several techniques that will provide you with flexible, dynamic and endless capability. You will learn to leverage Fart Blanche with a seemingly endless array of techniques that have been passed down from clever fartsters to other clever fartsters through the years.
Step 1 – Learn Basic Masking Techniques , Otherwise Known as “The Great Fart Swindles”
The first group of techniques are the Masking Techniques. Often called the Great Fart Swindle, masking techniques involve farting in coordination with others around you so that blame falls squarely on their shoulders.
By no means did I invent these techniques. Many of you more clever types have probably stumbled across these and used this yourselves. Masking techniques enable Fart Blanche through a variety of ways.
Swindle #1 The Pile On Method
A friend farts. They say, “Sorry I farted” and being the opportunistic person you are, you release your fart silently to take advantage of the brief window of time in which they will be blamed. Your friend is none the wiser but you essentially doubled down on his fart and he will get blamed for the both farts. Surprisingly the double potency of the fart might surprise them but they will be clueless about it.
Swindle #2 – The Double Dog Method
Similar to “the pile on”, however you use your friends dog as the pawn in your Fart Blanche. Dogs fart quite a bit (particularly larger dogs). The Double Dog isn’t fail safe however since smart dog owners can tell the difference between their own dogs farts and even other dog farts. Masking a human fart with a dog fart should only be used in emergency situations.
Swindle #3 – The Bad Baby Method
The Bad Baby technique has been used by parents for years and is quite common. Since babies poop frequently, an opportunistic parent – typically the father – will fart and blame it on the baby. Contrary to what many people think, Fart Blanche, with a baby is not cruel, in fact babies do not even realize they are being blamed for their parents farts.
Step 2 – Study, Learn and Practice “Mixologist Techniques” Used by Ancient Wise Men and Tom Fooleries
The greatest curators of Fart Blanche have used Mixologist techniques for years. Great Fart Mixologists are often so clever and so astute that people in close proximity to them might even exclaim “wow that smells great!” after they have farted. How do they do it? In theory, its quite simple.
The “Dinner is Served”
You’re at dinner. The waiter delivers your plate of spaghetti. You look down, examine it and exclaim “ wow it smells great”. But little do you know that someone at the table cleverly farted at the precise time that they spaghetti arrived at the table. By essentially “mixing” their fart with the strong scent of your spaghetti they were leveraging their power of Fart Blanche. They Farted. You were none the wiser, in fact you unknowingly might have even liked it.
The “Beef Jerky”
Western Cowboys in the 1800’s developed a technique so fool proof that it has survived even to this very day. The technique requires the mixologist to always carry a packet of Beef Jerky with them. When they fart, they immediately tear open a package of beef jerky and begin offering it people around them. By offering the beef jerky (perhaps even wafting the package around) bystanders believe that what they are smelling is beef jerky thus providing a offender with an effective smoke screen.
The “New York City”
New York City is essentially awash in Fart Blanche activity thanks to the proliferation of sewer man holes that scatter the city. The drill is so commonplace that frankly no one cares and virtually everyone participates – particularly in the summer months. It works like this. You walk by a sewer. You Fart. People behind you think its the sewer. It’s a New York Classic.
Keep a pack close by for those times when you’re in a crunch.
Step 3 – Become Well Practiced in Recognizing “Fart Blanche” Opportunities
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that certain circumstances will provide automatic fart blanche. These are not necessarily techniques as much as they are circumstances where you are free to fart without penalty. You must train your mind to always be alert and to recognize these circumstances and then pounce on them like gas-filled hippo.
Let me give you some examples of common Fart Blanche opportunities;
A Hurricane
Wind Speeds in excess of 75 miles per hour are highly conducive to fart blanche. Your fart will be a quarter of a mile away in the blink of an eye.
A Cyclone
A cyclone spins with such fury and speed that it will collect everything in its path and fling it sometimes miles away. The bad news is that your house or car may blow away, but the good news is..so will your farts.
A Tornado
Perhaps you are seeing a trend here. You’ve heard of storm watchers? Soon, you will be looking for them too when you master these techniques. Most natural disasters are not necessarily something anybody wants – anybody but you that is – Mr Fart Blanche Man.
Step 4 – Avoid Common Fart Blanche Pitfalls, Errors, Misconceptions and Mistakes
Face it, Fart Blanche is as much about knowing when to fart as it is knowing when to avoid farting. Novices are prone to error when trying to achieve farting freedom and frankly that puts both themselves and those around them in potentially dangerous and uncomfortable situations. Let me spell out some of the more common mistakes so you can avoid them.
Loud Noises Around You Do Not Give you Fart Blanche
We’ve all been there. We’re in a loud room or at a party and think that because it’s so loud we can squeak one out and it won’t be noticed. The fact is that this is simply not the case. Finger pointing, blaming and outright hostility ensues as those around you attempt to cast blame on everyone for the fart. You achieved nothing. The party is ruined.
You Do Not Have Fart Blanche on an Airplane
I don’t know if it is the altitude or the misconception that airplane seat cushions have some sort of magical capability to turn farts into air freshening scent but everyone on a plane thinks that they have fart blanche. Again, nothing could be further from the truth so avoid it.
Just because you are running on the Treadmill does not grant you Fart Blanche
People run. People Fart. People Fart when they run. It happens. I get it. Just don’t think it gives you Fart Blanche, particularly in a crowded gym.
You have Fart Blanche at the Top of a RollerCoaster, but never the bottom
RollerCoasters are tricky. It’s never a pure 100% Fart Blanche opportunity. Yes you have it on the top and while you are diving down the tracks. No, you do not have it when you are at the bottom and chugging up the tracks. Remember – heat rises.
United Airlines had to run this educational program in airports last year, “You are free to move about the Cabin, Not Fart about the Cabin”
Step 5 – Learn a Few Basic Recovery Techniques to Avoid Detection and Getting Branded a careless “Fartster”.
This is a fact. Once a fartster, always a fartster. That is to say, once the cat is out of the bag and someone has determined you have farted, then you will always be blamed for every fart thereafter. As such, avoiding detection whenever possible is highly advisable. Here are some common and quite effective detection avoidance techniques.
The “Dirk and Dash”
A friend of mine, Dirk Anderson, popularized this technique years ago and it is a pretty incredible fart-recovery technique. If you fart (either on purpose or in error) you will have a matter of seconds to act before detection. Dirk’s method involved quickly blaming someone else for farting and then quickly leaving the room in utter disgust. The Dirk and Dash simply involves blaming someone and then leaving them holding the bag.
The “Motor Boat”
Eoin Blue (One of the Great Fart Swindlers of All Time), introduced an oft-used technique that has quite a bit of merit. If you launch an audible fart, you merely put your lips together, blow and make a motor boat sound. Most people will have trouble distinguishing the fart and the motor boat sound and will assume you were just motor boating around. Ironically, they might even motor boat around with you for awhile.
The “Vinyl Chair”
Vinyl chairs (and some leather and plastic chairs) have built in fart recovery systems which might come as a welcome relief. If you fart, you merely shift in your chair. When you shift the rubbing on vinyl sounds like a fart. You fooled everyone.
The 100% Denial
When all else fails and you simply cannot create a distraction or avoid being blamed you’ll need to resort to denial phase. Inevitably, everyone at some point in their life, will be blamed for a fart. The difference between a careless fartster and a professional is in the ability to effectively and persistently deny the fart. Here at the Fart Institute we have a little saying and that is, ” You need to really know the right time to admit guilt for farting. And that time is never”.
What do you think?
What do you think? Do you think you can achieve true Fart Blanche? Do you have any methods of your own that we here at the Fart Institute should consider? We’d love to hear from you. Drop us an email.
Today I learned that My Dad and All His Friends Were in the Mafia
My dad invited me over to his house tonight and while browsing through old photo albums and I came across something very interesting and frankly shocking. One of the albums was entitled “Knights of Columbus 1978” (allegedly a group my father had belonged to for many years). Purportedly, this group does all sorts of good deeds for communities like having fund raisers etc.
Sadly, however, this was all one big ruse. This “Knights of Columbus” was nothing more than a front for a squad of toughies that ran the Mafia in the city. How do I know this? Well, I have definitive proof based on pictures. Thats right, pictures. As it turns out, Dad and the rest of his KofC cronies were nothing more than brown-liesure suit-wearing-wise guys.
Anyway, judge for yourself and tell me if you think I’m wrong.
Member 1 – Frank McKenna (The Grand Knight) aka “Frankie Smooth Slice”
The Grand Pooba of them all – My Dad sitting there in his classic brown suit with fabric that looks like it was yanked off an old Jerome Furniture couch. Sure, he got the title “Grand Knight” but his real job was smooth talking city officials, bribing police, recruiting youth and generally greasing the skids for every and all mob activity in the city.
Member 2 – Carmen Zapone the “Chancellor” aka Capone
With a name like Carmen Zapone I can’t figure out why I didn’t figure out the whole ruse when I was kid. Also known as Capone, Carmen Zappone didn’t take no lip. Officially, Carmen was the Chancellor and was responsible for taking notes at KofC meetings, unofficially though,, and completely off the books he was responsible for running firearms through the city. Carmen was the go to guy when he came to silencers and “The Assissin’s Toolkit” which was a speciality kit he sold. Carmen also belonged to the ICF (Italian Catholic Federation) and made a mean BBQ Chicken.
Member 3 – Don Deaner the “Chaplain” or Dirty Don Deaner
Sweet Don Deaner and his band of Merry Greeters. Don had the privilege of running the merchant shake down operations for most of Chula Vista. When sweet smiling Don and his band of Henchman would pay you a visit, you were quick to pull out a sizable donation to his crew, Of course, you were afforded the protection of his services.
Member 5 – Charlie Vallejo “The Warden” or Chingus Charlie as he was often referred to.
Charlie looked harmless enough but when you got to know him he could make “El Chapo” look like an honor scout. Appropriately enough, Charlie had the responsibility of “Warden” activities with the KofC which meant locking doors in the building etc. Charlie was responsible for collecting debts and he would stop and nothing if thats what it took.
Member 6 – Harold Ross “Treasurer” aka Funny Business
Hello Harold Ross. You find that funny? What part of my name you find funny? Am I a clown to you? You think I’m some kind of funny clown. Bam… BaseBall bat to the head and good night sir. (thats how a typical conversation with Harold Ross would usually go)
Member 7 – Leonard Beaver “Deputy Grand Knight” aka Look Ma its the Beaver
Leonard Beaver would give that laugh. It would be like a “Har Har Har” aww shucks type of laugh (same as you see below) and then he would pull at a 9 milli and pop a cap in your ass. Legend has it he always wore Red Suit jackets to disguise the blood spatter from his hits.
Member 8 – Charles Remy “Lecturer” aka Lucky Charlie
Lucky Charlie held the title of Lecturer in the Knights of Columbus which was a nice little title for him. Too bad Lucky Charlie was also in charge of Car Bombs and cracking safes. If you were going to rob a bank, Charlie was pretty your go to guy.
Member 9 Vincent Olo “Trustee” or Jimmy Blue Eyes
He didn’t have blue eyes which was odd but that was his nickname. By day he was Trustee for the Knights of Columbus, by night he was in charge of Voter Intimidation and infiltrating local unions. My guess is if you dig around in his backyard you might find a one “Jimmy Hoffa” back there
Member 10 – Wallie Deddah the Trustee aka “King Giblet”
Wallie Deddah was a mere trustee in the Knight of Columbus but he didn’t mind because his real job was running Sir George’s Smorgesboard back room gambling operation on Broadway. Rumor has it Wallie took a few fingers in his day and put them in the Hot Dog casserole which hungry patrons would mistake for Vienna sausages.
So there you have it. The Knights of Columbus was a front for the mob. Who would have thought? Well no one did actually, until I uncovered the whole thing while going through the photos.
10 Surprising Things about My Dad
Dad’s a character and that’s for sure. And I mean that in the most complimentary way. So many people live their lives in the middle of the road never venturing too far to either side. My dad is not one of those people. You are more likely to find him running full speed on one side of the road or the other but never, never in the middle.
A virtual legend in the city of Chula Vista you’ll often find him confiding his deepest secrets with strangers he’s just met or telling tales so tall that you’d swear that he’d heavily embellished reality. And you’d be right.
I’d thought I’d share 10 surprising things about my Dad. As funny, and sometimes strange as these things are to me, they must be even more strange and funny to people that have never met him. To know him is to begin to understand why some of these wacky things just make total sense. My dad is a creative person who sees the world much more differently than your average person.
He Rocks Harder than Anyone You Know
I was 12 at the time. I woke up and my dad had cut holes in two of our trash cans, placed speakers in them. positioned them outside his window and was blaring Black Sabbath at the absolute highest volume he could. Iron Man was blaring and echoing through the whole neighborhood. Imagine my surprise (and delight) to hear my dad being more rock and roll than even Ozzy Osborne.
I am not sure if I was more impressed by his engineering skills of creating a powerful amplification system with trash cans or the fact he was playing cool ass music out his window louder than I have ever heard in my life.
You see dad had a long running dispute with our neighbor who used to blast his buzz saw out early in the morning and wake the neighborhood up. My dad was fighting fire with fire or in this case, fighting buzz saws with satanic heavy metal music. The police eventually came and made us turn off the music but I must admit I got my first rock and roll lesson from my dad.
Incidentally, years later I used to put my guitar amps out of my dorm room window at St Mary’s College and play Van Halen licks on my guitar. I suppose I adopted that technique from my dad.
My dad does not play trumpet because they don’t rock hard enough.
His Donut Skills Are Beyond your Realm of Comprehension
We had 12 kids in our family. We used to sit around a big table on Sunday mornings and watch my dad methodically cut up a donut into 12 pieces, place it on a plate and then pass the plate from kid to kid, letting us each take 1 piece of donut. When the plate made it’s way all around the big table, we would watch him cut up another donut into 12 pieces and start the process again.
The process would continue until all 12 donuts were gone. We each eventually got what amounted to a whole donut it just took 12 trips around the table to get it. This was not the most efficient way to eat a donut but for some reason it worked.
This is a donut cut into 12 pieces. I will hazard to guess that you have never seen this before.
He Pays Taxi Drivers with Chickens
I woke up one morning and ran outside to check on our pet chicken “Eggatha” only to find that she was not there. She would never wander far. She was chicken. Chickens are not great adventurers that pick up their little chicken belongings to explore the world. They generally just peck at dirt and occasionally poop on dirt.
Later that day when we asked my dad about it he claimed that the chicken ran away. I was heartbroken and literally ran outside and shed tears. There was a brief moment I wasn’t sure how I could live the rest of my life without Eggatha there. The feeling soon passed and so did the years.
When I turned 17 I learned the shocking truth and it was even stranger than a chicken running away from its home. It turns out that after a night at the local pub my dad needed a cab ride home. Upon arriving home, he discovered he had no money to pay the cab driver. Being ever the resourceful fellow he went into the backyard, grabbed the chicken and convinced the cab driver to take the chicken in exchange for fare.
I am not sure if I was more shocked at our dad for giving away our beloved chicken or at the cab driver for taking it as payment. In any case, “paying with chickens” has become part of my daily vocabulary now.
Dad used to pile all 12 of us in the car and take us to Knott’s Berry Farm for a dish of Rhubarb
He is Prone to Tell Egregious Stories to Make Someone Feel Good
My dad is prone to embellishing stories. This is particularly true if he happened to be at his favorite bar – The Colony House which happened to be the case one infamous evening.
As my sister tells it, she had just finished up a date with a guy and told him that she was only interested in him as friends. The guy was heartbroken and let my dad know this as he left our house.
My dad is always on the look-out for a willing ear and this heartbroken young lad seemed to be a guaranteed easy listener. So my dad offered to take him to his favorite bar for a few drinks. After several drinks my dad confided in the lad that my sister was “only being stand-offish” because she was terminally ill with cancer and expected only to live a matter of weeks. My dad wanted the man not to feel so bad. It wasn’t him at all. It was my sister, not wanting to reveal the horrible truth and hurt this young guy.The story of course was blatantly false but that did not stop my dad from carrying it through to the fullest extent.
The night progressed, and of course they cried together for hours and over several more drinks, lamenting what was soon to be a world without someone they loved. The tears soon turned to big plans to somehow help Kathy during her final days. The young man vowed that he would make Kathy’s last two weeks on earth memorable.
My sister was awoken early the next morning by my mother who advised Kathy that a young man was at the door waiting for her. She got to the door and was greeted by the guy she had just let down the night before.
He got on one knee and proposed to her and told her he knew everything and that he did not care. He wanted to live life to the fullest and make sure all her wildest dreams came true – even if it was only for two weeks.
Dad is prone to heavy embellishments during story-telling (a typical Irish Trait that he has mastered)
He Claims (at Times) that His Father is Sing Lee a Chinese Immigrant that Settled in New York in 1940
My dad is Irish. He could not pass for Chinese even in the darkest of rooms but at times he has been known to brag about his Chinese Father – Sing Lee. Sing Lee owned a laundromat near his home in the Bronx and he had given my dad a job at some point.
Apparently, as he tells it, Sing Lee taught him how to fight (using Kung Fu of course) and it came in quite handy growing up on the streets of New York. A few swift Karate Chops in the air are often added in to prove his point.
My dad had great admiration for Sing Lee
He Once Drove 5 Miles Backwards to Sell his Car When It Would Not Go Into Drive
My dad hates tow trucks. He does not believe they are necessary. There is no finer display of ingenuity than the time when he made the 5 mile trek from his home to the car dealer backwards in his car to avoid having it towed. The car would not kick into drive so he merely put the car in reverse and made the drive apparently ducking up and down side streets to avoid police detection. Two things happened that day that made him happy. He sold the car. He did not have to pay a tow truck driver. Mission accomplished.
My dad did not let a faulty transmission stop him from getting his broken down station wagon to the the car dealer sans tow truck. This google map collage retraces his backward joy ride to the dealer.
He Fooled an Entire City with an Outlandish Story and Launched a Business that generated millions
My dad gathered my mom and few belongings and headed From New York out to California with nothing more than gas money in the early 1960’s. With nothing to speak of beyond a great deal of creativity and an knack for story-telling he built a small mission style building with a bell on top and proceeded to generate enormous New York style publicity with an outlandish tale of a historic bell that stood atop the building. NewsPapers from all over San Diego County flocked and gave him free publicity. The business went on to generate millions over the years and still stands there to this day supporting several families. The agency he built is CSS Insurance – The Best and Most Affordable Insurance in San Diego if your in the market by the way.
Dad claimed Old #12 (the bell on top of his business) had roots back to the California Gold Rush
He Drives 100% of the Time with his Hazard Lights On
I usually do not condone over-use of Hazard Lights on the road but in the case of my dad I will make an exception. To my dad, Hazard lights are way of saying both “Hello World, Here I am” and “Watch Out World I’m Coming Through”. You can imagine how helpful this non-verbal cue can be on the road. Keep an eye out for him. He still rolls hard in a pimpin Caddie at 82 years of age.
At one point my dad decided to keep the hazard lights on full time and has never looked back.
He Once Fed A Chicken Whiskey and Taught The Old Bird to Fight
Dad insisted that if we were to have a pet chicken than the chicken would be raised to be Irish. In keeping with that, Eggatha did not have your traditional chicken type lifestyle. In fact one day she hopped up on the table and began to drink up whiskey by pecking at it.
Within minutes sweet Eggatha had transformed from sweet lovable Eggatha into an angry drunk chicken. She lashed out us, pecking and scratching. We ran from the table in fear and she was left alone to continue her drunken escapades through the night. We never let her hit the sauce again after that.
Dad once drove all 12 us down from the mountains in the pitch black of night in sunglasses because he forgot his reading glasses. At times he had rely on verbal directions shouted to him from us in the back seat.
He has 36 Children and GrandChildren and Counting
Maybe the most surprising thing of all is just how many people are living here on this world thanks to him. At present moment he fathered 12 Children of his own Grandfathered another 24. Now that is quite an accomplishment and maybe the most surprising of all.
The fact is that each and everyone of us has a list of favorite stories about our dad.We laugh a lot about our dad’s stories because mostly we realize that there is a part of his quirky side that each of us has as well. There is a book to be written here somewhere about one of the most original and unique people to walk the earth.
This is our table that we all sat around each night. We ate dinner together every night and said prayers around this table before going to bed. This was a routine.
An old family portrait with most us in younger years.
Thank you for reading the blog. We have hundreds of more and similar stories of dad, if you would like to read more, let me know and we’ll come up with another post.
80 Years Serving Best Spaghetti in San Diego
After migrating to the US in 1932. Luigi Pensacanatoni, settled in what was then known as the tiny fishing port of “San Diego” which in Italian literally translates to Crust Hamlet.
Thinking he had landed in a hamlet known for Pizza, he bought a tiny space in Point Loma. With a single bowl and Microwave oven he opened shop that first day and served 5 drunk navy men on their way back from Downtown San Diego. One of the men exclaimed heartily on the way out, “that he’d never laid eyes on such a Kings Banquet!” That was it though, just 5 drunken sailors on his first day.
Not deterred by the lackluster result he pushed on and with the help of his wife, Dame Louise Betsy, turned his tiny one bowl operation into a San Diego tradition. To this day, Luigis, son runs the operation and has not changed the recipe one bit – in fact using many of the same ingredients such as healthful radioactive salt known for its soothing elixir like effect on the mind and body.
Luigi and his wife, Dame Louise Betsy
Luigi Jr carries on the tradition serving treats like Mince Meat Pastarolli in Hobo Cans. A treat popularized by Train Travelin Hobo’s and their Bean Cans.
